I'm in full exams and look at me! Instead of revising, what am I doing
in front of my com!? >_< that's too stressing.. I did not think that
I'd manage to perform so badly during my exams... Man, if I fail I'll have to redo this school year.. naturally I know. But oh well, that
means that I have either not worked hard enough or haven't understood
my subjects well enough. Next years exams are the official ones but I
don't think I'm ready for them. So, if I fail or haven't got enough
good grades, what should I do? Maybe it'd be better if I redid everything cos it'd be a waste of time and money to go on since I still haven't understood EVERYTHING and my parents will waste their money upon their inefficient child paying for the papers. I can't believe that I've become so bad! Damn me >_<

*sigh* For all the things I was able to achieve in the past, that really is frustating. I feel useless for the moment. Well well, I'm aware that reminiscing won't solve anything but I can't help thinking
about the past. Sorry for all the things I've said to you.. How will I
be able to help others if I can't help myself? But by staying the way
I am now, I should pose no problem and should be no obstacle to those
who wish and aim to become scholars. Yup, there's a really fierce
competition raging for scholarship underneath it all; even if we can't
see it, we can feel it.

Of course, there are other factors apart from my bad academic
performances that do trouble me which are maybe even more troubling.
In the future, would my situation really change if I got good grades?
For all the bad things, all the harm and all the injustice that has been done to my family, my friends and people worldwide, I don't think
that I'll be able to escape from those problems. I don't think anyone
really can. We are all victims, aren't we? So, let's be strong and not give up in the face of adversity. We have to live to try and preserve peace, harmony and love in the world.

I'm having a mental block now and I don't know what I have to say more. If it weren't for my mom's words, I probably would not have been thinking or writing about justice and living on in spite of the evils
that make life seem unworthy of being lived. I don't really care if
injustice is done to me, well it's more like I have stopped caring
about it but seeing others being treated unjustly and seeing that even greater injustice has been done to them is so heart-breaking.